What's in a Name?
by Shadowdib
Summary: Steven thinks of his name, and which one he uses, differently as he grows up. A character study fic of how Steven's grown over the series and his relationship to himself, his mother, and his gem.


He was Steven. It was the name whispered into his soft belly, laughed as he danced around with shorts on his head, and murmured softly as he cried from skinning his knee. He was Steven, and he was pulled away from the inner workings of the car wash but encouraged to run under the hose and look at the rainbows it made.

He was Steven Universe. Son of Greg. Son of Rose Quartz, who was known only by a few scattered pictures and the gem settled in the center of his body like everything else had sprung up around it, the jeweled center of a flower turned human boy. He liked running his fingers around the edges of his gem, feeling where it sunk into his body, and asked his father to tell the story of a comet and a giant woman just one more time.

He was Steven Quartz Universe. He loved the way his middle name sounded, the way his lips puckered around the 'Q' and how the 'Z' hissed between his teeth and tongue. He was eager to go on missions, eager to develop his powers, to be a Crystal Gem. He'd been raised as a human, but being a gem seemed so exciting! Adventures, danger, but also exploration and trust and things that were new, that were outside of Beach City for an hour or a day. Beach City was home, but he wanted more. Greg said it was in his bones, that he'd gotten it from his mother.

He was Steven Quartz Universe, and he'd seen more than any child should have. He saw himself die, he pulled himself up from death only to find Pearl barely suppressing tears over almost letting him fall. He'd been compared to his mother so many times the portrait above the door almost seemed to mock him. "Who are you, to take me from them?" It seemed to say. "Who are you, but a poor replacement?" He hugged himself and sang a lullaby in sounds that weren't quite human, soft tones more like the keys on a piano than words. A song that he himself didn't fully understand.

He was Steven Universe, and he'd felt his gem as hot as the peridotite that surrounded the drill, the agony of millions of gem shards forcing its feelings into his gem and human body that was poorly equipped to handle it. He'd seen Peridot insult Yellow Diamond, become a friend, become more than she was told she could be. He wished he could say the same of himself. He was fourteen and looked eight and felt his age and younger and older all at once.

He was Steven Universe, and he didn't sleep well. Bismuth, Jasper, the Rubies, his mother… it all funneled into half-coherent blurs of color and screams and burning lava and the cold, cold vacuum of space.

He was Steven Demayo, for a day. He liked and didn't like Andy- he was loud and rude, and not in a fun way, like Amethyst and occasionally Peridot were. But he was Steven's uncle, and he was family, and he was human. For one day, Steven wanted the chance to be normal, to be human. No Cluster, no Diamonds, nobody thinking he had to die because of what his mother did.

He was Steven. The only Rose Quartz gem still awake, still functioning, and he was barely a Rose Quartz at all. He was human enough to be put in the Zoo, but every moment he could feel Yellow Diamond's boots shake his chest as she sang, his gem seemed far, far too cold. He wondered to himself that if a gem's gemstone is their entire being, then what part of him was made up of her lies?

He wasn't sure who he was, what he was. He had Rose Quartz inside of him, and that was good enough for Aquamarine. It was easy, for her- he had Rose Quartz, he wasRose Quartz. He'd been told he was Steven Quartz Universe, but they also said he was something new, someone unique. How could they know, then, if he was new? She'd shattered someone, and he was the only one left to be her. His gem dug uncomfortably into his stomach, and he swore the inside felt as sharp as a sword, even though he knew it was smooth on the underside like Amethyst's. She was a Quartz, after all. Made to fight, and she broke from her purpose by fulfilling it.

He was Steven Universe, and he was Pink Diamond. He'd lied and been lied to, comforting half-truths and assurances that he was fine swirling around as he wondered just how many deaths were really on the gem resting inside of him.

He was Steven, and he was Pink Diamond. He brushed off his worries, covered fears and a shattered identity with smiles and songs and a mind that was getting very, very good at pretending things that could hurt him simply weren't there. That things were going fine.

He was just like his mother, after all.

* * *

A/N: Wow, the first SU fic I've written in months and it's this. I'm pretty proud of this, so I'd love feedback! What did you think of those new episodes, huh?


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